I haven't yet told anyone. But unless God is going to intervene in the next two days my decision is made. I am going to leave. I have started looking at rooms to rent, I have mentioned to my family that I'm considering leaving, I have been looking for part time jobs with flexible hours that fit my skills to at least some extent.
Somehow I am still hoping for God to give me a sign, to either let me know it's ok to leave or to make me stay (but, please, also give me the strength to stay if that's his will). So far there has been nothing. I still feel very much loved, though, so I suppose that might be a sign in itself. Who knows.
Regarding my ED I've realised something. Eating or not eating doesn't occupy my mind all the time like it used to. I can live quite comfortably and happily around meal times without thinking too much about food. Sure, I don't want to eat and even when I want to I often can't. But I don't spend hours and hours just thinking about losing weight, meals, avoiding meals, counting calories. Sometimes I even forget that I've got a problem.
If things with my ED-thoughts stay the way they are I think I might be able to live with it and be ok. And wow, that would be a huge thing. I'm even hopeful things might get better once I leave. And I haven't had a positive outlook for quite some time now. Really grateful for this, thanks be to God.
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