So, there's this art project I'm working.
But before I tell you about this, first things first:
Regarding Ana and Mia - I'm much better than I was a few weeks ago. Depression has left me alone for several weeks now after I discovered that amber actually helps with my mood swings. So this is very good and I feel so much better. Still clearly eating disordered but I'll just be grateful for the little things. And being happy and feeling like myself again after a time of depression is no little feat, so thanks be to God for this. I'm actually really happy with my body atm - I can see the weight loss (not just on the scales but actually in my face and on my body) and I really like how I look. I'm by no means skinny yet, the numbers still classify as obese but only today I thought how lovely I look and how I would like to stay the way I am. Ah well, we'll see about that - Ana has moved a little to the background but Mia is quite present most days. Fortnunately, there is only little binging but quite a bit of purging what I eat.
Anyway, about this art project.
It involves using blood (it's about Revelations, being washed white in the blood of the Lamb). For a while I considered going to the nearest slaughter house to get pigs' blood but in the end I decided to be brave and use my own blood. So I started out filtering and using my period blood but in the end it turned out it was too much hassle and too little to get anywhere quantity wise. Instead, I went to the nearest pharmacy and bought hypodermic needles and syringes (turns out these are dead cheap), got some skin disinfectant and have now started to draw my own blood. This is really strangely fascinating and in some weird way I really enjoy doing it. So far I've hit the vein every time, even on my very first attempt. It took some experimenting to find the right size of needle (I didn't tell the pharmacy assistant that I intended to draw my own blood but just mentioned that it was for an art project - so I couldn't really ask which size was best and instead got various sizes and tried them out at home), haven't bruised myself at all yet, it's not painful and somehow painting with my own vein blood makes me feel very close to Jesus. This is a project I'm really excited about and I wish I could tell people about it but somehow I know that most wouldn't understand and would just think me completely mental and sick for doing this. And yes, I know, this fascination with needles and blood and sticking myself really does sound strange. If someone else told me this, I probably would consider them disturbed, too. But hey, no one ever reads this blog so it's a great place to talk about this without being sent to the loony bin.
