Life has been such a roller coaster lately. I even thought I'd be on the way to recovery for nearly a month. But over the last week everything went back to hell, starving, throwing up what little I had been eating, starving again, binging, throwing up, binging, throwing up, taking laxatives, the full program. I haven't lost any weight for the last two months or so, which is good according to my sensible ED-less self, and which is another clear indication of what a huge failure I am according to my less sensible ED self.
Since I don't think recovery is a realistic option I am going to try to get back to starving myself. I know, starving is horrible and everything, but it is still a lot better than binging and purging. And since I can't have good at least I'd like to go for the best among the worst.
My faith has become stronger again and feels more real, which is a wonderful thing and helps me a lot and I'm sure it had something to do with the really good few weeks I've had for a while. I hope people will continue to pray for me. If I keep going downhill then I really need their prayer. My ED tends to make me depressed, and depression gives me doubts, and doubts make it incredibly hard to pray for myself, so I really have to rely on others to do the praying for me.
Actually, I was wondering if there is a patron saint for those with EDs... Because I could really do with a heavenly intercessor.
2 comments:
Hi. I would really love it if you started blogging again. I, too, am a Catholic with an Eating Disorder and we need to stick together. :)
I'm back, Audrey. Sorry to have been gone for so long - but you're right, we have to stick together. xx
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